Thanksgiving 2013

I have been on a bumpy road lately.  Events from the past rearing up their nasty little heads.  Disagreements and hurtful situations dredged up.  Some days I feel locked in a constant debate with myself.  Thankfully this debate, for the most part, is silent, although at times I do tend to verbalize and my cubicle neighbor will ask "You say something about bloomers?" because I'll be sitting at my desk and go "Suck it up.  You can't fix the past.  Put on your big girl bloomers (panties in Spanish) and deal with it!" I don't know why, it really should not have affected me the way it did, but learning of my aunt and uncle's deaths really set something off deep within me.  And it is stupid, silly, childish of me to think, to wish, somehow I could have "fixed" things.  Because, really, it was up to them.  Goodness knows, I really, really tried.  But it was up to them.  Their decision.  Their call.  The funny thing is when I read about their passings, the first though that popped into my head was "Well, Father, they are YOUR problem now!" and I am sure our Father in Heaven must have thought "Really, NOW they are my problem?  They always WERE!"  Another thought was "Well, now they are all together, I bet they have come to their senses."  Because their ... situation caused so much grief and anxiety in our family.  It was like, you know when you throw a rock into water and it creates ripples?  That was my aunt and uncle, they created discordant ripples in the fabric of our lives.  Boy, I just really mixed up my metaphors there, didn't I?  But you understand what I mean.

Sometimes people do not fully realize how much of an impact their behavior can have on those around them.  Sometimes they do and still plow ahead because they do not give a flying fig about anyone but themselves.  Me, me, me.  You hurt me.  You have more than me.  Your house is bigger than mine.  You make more money than me.  They never came right out and said it, but you know that is what they were thinking.  There were times, especially after my parents were no longer here, when I really needed to have a sense of family, of tribe, when I felt like a turtle without its shell (I still do, but have learned you have to make your own shell) and instead of just being what family is supposed to be, they somehow twisted it around and made it about them, their disagreement, their imagined or real slights.  I really wanted to smack them upside the head and tell to grow the heck up and deal with it.  But, nope, did not do so.  My aunt was the only one who was there for me, for that I will be forever grateful.  And I do wish it had been different between us, it did not have to end the way it did.  But things happen for a reason.  We each choose our path, make our decisions.

Anyway, back to Thanksgiving.  So, I have been in a phhhhhtt mood, more or less for a while now. Back to walking on eggshells.  Given to "poor, poor, pitiful me" moments.  When those happen I give myself 10 minutes, tops, to wallow, then smack myself upside the head (figuratively) and start moving, rearranging, organizing and remind myself to look for the good, for the positive and focus on all my blessings and not on what I wish I had. Really believe that moving stuff around creates positive energy, gets those vibes going!  Especially if you have music on and start bopping to the beat as you clean and putter and fluff and realize you have lots to be grateful for.  One of the ladies on The Talk, I think it was Aisha, was saying how when she was little and complained about something her father would say "Well, at least you're not in Afghanistan!"  That just cracked me up, because it is so true!  These past few weeks when I have started to veer into pity party territory I've thought about the typhoon victims in the Philippines and realized, really?  You're whining about being stuck in traffic?  Typhoon victims, hello?  Once I worked with a MAJOR Gloomy Gussie and one afternoon she was whining about how her new shoes hurt her feet, now, I've never been known for my patience and that day it was in particularly short supply, and I told her "Well, you could be living in a slum in India, then you'd be barefoot!"  That did not go over well, but, shoot she was just so darn annoying!  She was the same one who made Gina cry once, so I was not really all that fond of her.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, it is WAY easier to focus on the negative, than it is to focus on the positive.  And a lot of us whine about stuff that is about as important as a gnat's behind.  And you know how tiny THOSE are.  Sitting next to one of my co-workers yesterday at lunch, listening to her yap about how stressed she is over Thanksgiving, over the holidays, all this stress!  I finally snapped (not real long on patience these days) and told her "Do you know how lucky you are?"  She stopped mid-sentence, looking at me like I'd grown another head, and said "Lucky?  How am I lucky?"  I responded, "Well, you have your parents, your kids, your husband, everyone is healthy and everyone will be together at your house!  Do you know what a blessing that is?  If all the cooking and running around stresses you, tell them!  Look, I need you to help me with this and this and that!  Hell, go out to eat, have a barbecue, slap some sandwiches together, buy bags of chips and say we're going low key this year.  The holiday should not be a source of stress, it should be a source of joy.  It's not how much you put on the table, how big a meal you serve, what kind of china and crystal and silverware, it's who you share it with.  That's what makes it a holiday, a holy day!"  Yes, I know, I should not have ranted.  By now everyone in the lunch room was looking at me cross-eyed.

But it's true, some of the best meals I ever had were the simplest.  Once we were really, really broke, we had a loaf of white bread (Holsum!), Swiss cheese, mayonnaise and two cans of evaporated milk, coffee and sugar.  We had cafe con leche for breakfast, skipped lunch and dinner was a grilled Swiss cheese sandwich with another cafe con leche.  A few days before payday, those cans of evaporated milk were about as watered down as you could get them and still have it look, reasonably, like milk.  But, let me tell you, those were the best cafe con leches and grilled cheese sandwiches ever.  Because we shared them and we were grateful to (1) be together and (2) have that warm and toasty sandwich in our tummies.  One night I told my Dad that was the best cafe con leche he'd ever made and he said "That's because it's baptized!"  I said "What do you mean, baptized?"  He answered "That milk has had a LOT of water poured over it!"  That still makes me laugh.

I think people get so focused on the meal,  the cooking and the baking and the cleaning and the freaking out because people are coming over and the house isn't perfect!  They lose sight of how very lucky they really are.  They lose sight of the joy.  I mean, it's nice to fuss and have everything just so and make it special, goodness knows, I love doing that kind of stuff.  Pretty little place cards, beautiful china, tablecloths and REAL napkins, flowers on the table, but in the end what's really important is to have loved ones gathered around and share a meal, no matter how grand or how simple.  Time spent together. There's a photograph taken at my 15th birthday party, we had just moved from L.A. and were staying with my Dad's parents, in this tiny little house, hot as Hades, no a/c, not exactly what we were used to, but my father is looking at me and just beaming because it was my birthday and we were all together, his face says it all in that photograph.  What mattered was our family was together, something he had wanted for so long, to be reunited with his parents, his siblings.  He is just beaming little rays of happy in that picture.

Then again, some people are hell-bent on seeing the darker, stressed, joyless side of things, no matter what.  I know someone who routinely reminds me "The world is awful, people are awful and one day it's all going to end because we are all wicked!" Sometimes I just smile, others I'll go "Well, maybe, but look we're here today, we have this day, might as well enjoy it!"  You just have to pat them on the head, refuse to let their energy sap your joy and go on your merry way.  I know because I used to get stressed over the holidays, not way stressed, but enough to make me grumpy because things were not perfect like I wanted them. I once got really upset with my Dad because he whapped his head on a hanging planter, it fell off its hook and broke.  Never mind it was in his way, I'm short, he was tall, I did not take that into account when I placed it, but I was good and ticked off he'd broken the hanging planter!  Hello?  Can you say nimrod?  Instead of taking care of him, asking if he was okay, I saw the broken planter and how the terrace was not going to look "perfect!"  I didn't see the bump on his head, I did not see the roses which were blooming like mad or how pretty it all still looked anyway.  I just saw the pieces of the hanging planter!  It's a wonder he did not tell me what I could do what that planter and, by the way, get him an ice pack for the huge lump on his forehead! If you would have looked up the word nimrod, my picture would have been next to it!

Then my Mom was diagnosed and let me tell you, after that happened I didn't care how perfect or imperfect the house was, I didn't care what was on the table, or what plants were in the garden, all I cared about was spending time with her. My Dad and I made her the focus of our little world.  And it was a happy little world, as long as she was in it.  Once she was gone, well, things changed and soon after that my Dad joined her.  And I built a whole new world.  Again.  It's a wobbly one, at times, but just the same, I am thankful for it.

This year I am thankful, once again, for my friemily (friends + family = friemily), for my boss who sends me home early when bad weather threatens, who tells me to work from home when I am feeling ill or there is bad weather, for my job because it allows me to pay the rent, car, bills, even if it means working on a weekend, or part of a holiday, it's okay, because I know sooner or later, I get to come home.  I am thankful for my faith, I really cannot fathom how people get through life without faith, it must be a cold, hard road to travel.  I am thankful every morning when I wake up.  For the new day, for the hot mug of cafe con leche as I sit down on my comfy cozy sofa for morning prayer.  I am thankful for my three kittens who make me laugh with their antics, and for my Bella Bella Smokey Noella, who smacks them when they get too rambunctious and sleeps curled up on my hip, claiming me as her momma.  Sometimes she looks at the three little ones with this stern look as if saying "I was here first, you WILL obey me!" I am thankful I have my pretty, comfy, cozy cocoon to come home to at the end of the day.  For Friday nights when I pull into my parking space and know I do not have to leave for the next 48 hours. I am thankful my friend's little grandson has a good prognosis and is responding to treatment.  Thankful for my friend Kathie who
was able to go on a wonderful trip with her Mom. And for Kathie's chicken pot pie recipe, which is yummmmo to the max. I am thankful for my neighbors who keep an eye out for me and call to see if I am okay, we break bread together regularly and I am so very, very thankful for them. I am thankful for each and every member of my friemily, for my Fairy GodMothers, for all of my friends and all of my family, those that are still around and those that have gone on before me.  I am thankful for having felt the sting of false friendship because it made the love of true friends even sweeter. I am thankful it has rained a lot lately and my ferns and plumbago are really happy and lush and green.  For candles that light the dark, for roses and beautiful wreaths.  For memorial services that are a true celebration of life, where you find laughter in the midst of sorrow.

For Publix frozen pies, I have gotten hooked on them thanks to my friend Jodie (I'm also thankful for her cheesy corn muffin recipe and for her having visited me this past Spring, when her hubby came down on business, that was a lovely, lovely day), and now keep a little stock of apple, blueberry and cherry pies in my freezer. I have one peach pie (my favorite pie) left, they seem to be seasonal because I haven't seen any since September. Next year I am definitely stocking up on peach pies.


For grandfathers who spin fairy tales out of thin air that you always remember and carry in your
heart. For the little things that, somehow, are not quite as little or inconsequential as some would have you think.  I am thankful for the kindness of others, for really busy people who somehow find the time to email you, making your day even better and sometimes making a truly rotten day turn into a good one.  For friends that restore your faith in humanity and write books you carry with you because no matter how rough a day you are having, reading just a bit of them makes you feel all better.

Thankful for clean clothes, soft bed linens, scented candles, books, hot showers, art supplies, hot glue guns and for glitter!  Thankful for unexpected friendships that spring from a simple blog post.  For parents and grandparents that love unconditionally, care and look out for you, no matter what, no matter where. Whenever I feel a blue mood coming on, I miss my loved ones so very much still, sometimes a memory comes along and it is so sharp and so clear, it makes the loss raw and fresh once more, I remember Joel 2:25 and for that promise, I am thankful.

 

Father, I am thankful for my life.  It is turning out to be quite the journey.

Well, this post has been more stream of consciousness than most others.  Signing off for now, I wish everyone a healthy, happy, splendid Thanksgiving spent with loved ones, where laughter, good food, maybe some really good wine are shared.  Remember to focus on the good, on the light.  Look for your blessings, your Silver Linings, they are there, I promise you.  We are blessed, we are blessed, we are blessed.  Until next time, be blessed, be kind to one another and keep the faith!